It's not the crank relay, at least it doesn't test that way.
Got a new relay, no dice.
Swapped with other relay(s), still nothing.
Tried repeatedly just cranking it, on the 5th time it kicked a little. Three more tries later it started right up...?!?!
Now I'm thinking it's the starter solenoid, but I've given it a few good whacks before and nothing. Then I wiggle the relay and it works. Might be the fuse block itself....