Oh, dear. Brace yourselves.
The Most RETARDED People on My List From Last Month
Q. If a person has two spaces for their private parking in front of their townhouse, how many vehicles should you park there?
A. Four full size SUV's if you are the moron who lives next door.
Q. What is the smartest thing you can possibly do if you know that your neighbor has an active application on file with the local police department?
A. Smoke weed on your front porch if you are the moron who lives next door.
Q. What makes a person think they can have charges expunged (most particularly sex crimes) in the great Communistwealth of Vagina from their record following a guilty conviction?
A. Some of the morons who live here, most particularly individuals who should be castrated.
Q. If you call someone's office and they are not in, what makes you think you're entitled to know where that person is?
A. You're not. If you were an important person, you would already know where that person was. So don't ask, moron.
Q. If you go to an office and it is closed, why would you go to the office next door and ask why it's closed?
A. Because you're a moron.
Q. If you are an ex, why would you think you currently stand a chance in hell of getting back what you screwed up the first time?
A. Again, because you're a moron.
Q. What are the chances of a person who has cheated before being unable to cheat presently, especially if the person they cheated with was you?
A. Slim to none. Morons who are cheaters or pursue cheaters are a particular source of morbid amusement for me.
Q. Why do people assume that if a person is in their 30s and single that they want to be married with children?
A. Because they are morons.
Q. If a person at the gym is very clearly bigger and stronger than you, why do you insist on getting in that person's way?
A. Because you're a moron.
Q. If that same bigger and stronger person is within earshot of you and you say something retarded like, "Oh my God, that girl is a monster" what makes you think you are later entitled to try to step to that girl for any sort of conversation?
A. You're not because you're a moron.
Q. If you are another girl in the scenario above, what makes you think the "monster" girl won't beat the ever living crap out of you if you sit on that bench for one more second playing with a hangnail?
A. You are clearly not thinking and deserved to be stabbed in the head with a letter opener. And you're still a moron.
Q. What is the fascination with watching your neighbor mow their lawn and wash the car?
A. You're a moron.
Q. What kind of creature thinks it's okay to honk their horns and scream out their windows at people walking down the street?
A. You guessed it: a moron.
Oh, this one, is most especially humorous:
Q. What makes a big, fat (insert any race here) guy who is clearly into hip hop and rap type of music think for one second that he stands any chance in hell when trying to strike up a conversation?
A. Oh, only my favorite type of moron, who clearly disregarded my black nails, black and platinum hair, and mostly black attire. I think I will dye my hair blue or purple next, just so there's no more confusion about what I may or may not have in common with these types of morons.
Q. What kinds of people push people on the walls in the mosh pit?
A. Morons who desire their noses to be broken or their ribs to be crushed. (For the record, I was not bounced out of the concert for punching him. I was merely asked to leave the mosh pit area by the two laughing bouncers who are very much in the know about where and how I train.)
Q. What kind of person is the most annoying person to deal with first thing in the morning?
A. The parking garage moron. (If you are on my myspace, there was either a blog or a bulletin I posted some time ago concerning this issue. If you live in a city where parking is a nightmare [or daymare as the case may be], then you know exactly what I mean without further discussion.)
Q. What happens when I run out of coffee or food or miss a day or two at the dojang?
A. I start killing morons.
Q. What should happen to people that interrupt my feeding?
A. Those morons should be forced to masterbate with sandpaper. (No, this is not an original punishment from my own brain. The image has been there since a GP get together in NJ, courtesy of one of the NY guys.)
Let me know if you need more. I have no shortage of morons all around me.
