Thread: Breaking News

wow that's the first time i've seen that one and is it ever hilarious

Chuck norris doesnt read books,he stares at them til he gets the info he wants.

my favorite will always be....

Chuck Norris walked into a McDonalds, ordered a Whopper... and got it!

haha

When Chuck Norris jumps in a pool, he doesn't get wet. The water gets Chuck Norris.

haha

One day Chuck Norris walked down the street with an erection. There were no survivors.

If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more money than you.

There is no 'ctrl' button on Chuck Norris's computer. Chuck Norris is always in control.

Apple pays Chuck Norris 99 cents every time he listens to a song.

Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.

Chuck Norris can eat just one Lay's potato chip.

Chuck Norris is suing Myspace for taking the name of what he calls everything around you.

Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise.

Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.

Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.

Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.

Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost

Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a DeltaForce marathon on Satellite TV.

When Chuck Norris was denied an Egg McMuffin at McDonald's because it was 10:35, he roundhouse kicked the store so hard it became a Wendy's.

A Chuck Norris-delivered Roundhouse Kick is the preferred method of execution in 16 states.

Scientists have estimated that the energy given off during the Big Bang is roughly equal to 1CNRhK (Chuck Norris Roundhouse Kick)

Chuck Norris CAN believe it's not butter.

Chuck Norris can divide by zero.

While urinating, Chuck Norris is easily capable of welding titanium.

For some, the left testicle is larger than the right one. For Chuck Norris, each testicle is larger than the other one.

Chuck Norris invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.

If you Google search "Chuck Norris getting his ass kicked" you will generate zero results. It just doesn't happen.

Little known medical fact: Chuck Norris invented the Caesarean section when he roundhouse-kicked his way out of his monther's womb.

It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.

Chuck Norris played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.

James Cameron wanted Chuck Norris to play the Terminator. However, upon reflection, he realized that would have turned his movie into a documentary, so he went with Arnold Schwarzenegger.

The opening scene of the movie "Saving Private Ryan" is loosely based on games of dodgeball Chuck Norris played in second grade.

Chuck Norris once shot down a German fighter plane with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"

Chuck Norris once bet NASA he could survive re-entry without a spacesuit. On July 19th, 1999, a naked Chuck Norris re-entered the earth's atmosphere, streaking over 14 states and reaching a temperature of 3000 degrees. An embarrassed NASA publically claimed it was a meteor, and still owes him a beer.

Faster than a speeding bullet ... more powerful than a locomotive ... able to leap tall buildings in a single bound... yes, these are some of Chuck Norris's warm-up exercises.

Chuck Norris is the only human being to display the Heisenberg uncertainty principle -- you can never know both exactly where and how quickly he will roundhouse-kick you in the face.

In the beginning there was nothing...then Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicked that nothing in the face and said "Get a job". That is the story of the universe.

Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.

Chuck Norris and Mr. T walked into a bar. The bar was instantly destroyed, as that level of awesome cannot be contained in one building.

My favorite will always be....

Chuck Norris once won the World Series of Poker, despite holding only a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoly card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO.

BWAHAHAHAHAAA!

Go to Google and type "Google Chuck Norris" in the searchbox.
Next, click on the I'm Feeling Lucky button!

AWESOME!

those look like chuck norris's hands in the picture.....

Originally Posted by Abrasive

BWAHAHAHAHAAA!

Go to Google and type "Google Chuck Norris" in the searchbox.
Next, click on the I'm Feeling Lucky button!

AWESOME!

BWAHAHAHAHAAA i just did that funny as hell