Ok, finally figured out the problem as to why there was vacuum in/on the crankcase. After taking off that plastic intake thing (don't ask about how that went...) we were welcomed by oil...and lots of it. At this point it was like "W-T-F?!" how/why is there a standing pool of oil IN the intake.
After a bit of checking through service manuals we found the problem: someone had taken the intake off and had forgotten to replace 2 bolts that sit inside the intake. It just so happens that if these two bolts are missing (which they were) you have two direct passages from your intake to the crankcase. With the hole in the oil fill extension plugged the car was trying to suck air, which was now oil since the hole was plugged, up from the crankcase through these two holes into the intake where it was burning the oil....thus fogging half the county up with white smoke.
So, after I get those 2 bolts replaced and the intake back together (along with draining all the oil from the intake and replacing fluids etc etc) I'm HOPING that this car will finally run right.
