We talk for 5 minutes, she apologizes for being late and we go eat. So issue 1: she orders a LOT of expensive food. I don't think anything of paying, even when I'm with friends but I immediately took her up on her offer to go Dutch. Issue 2: We really quickly got on the topic of sex, which I thought was odd, and I said that I like to think that I'm open to anything, but some stuff I consider weird like furries, and I couldn't even try because I'd be laughing too hard. She then tells me that the way she has been making her living for the past several years is she goes to anime and furry conventions and draws pictures of patrons as animals with their junk out. So yeah.
Issue everything: Things spiral from here, and she tells me all these things unprovoked. I'm glad she was honest about them though. So she had been with this guy for the past 2 years. A YEAR before they broke up, she found out that he was having sex with his dog. So yeah. She stayed with him for a YEAR after finding out he was banging the dog. She did not emphasize this point, my BRAIN did, and it would not let it go. So his dog was not a lady dog, it was a boy dog. He was having homosexual dog sex. The part where it crossed the line for her and she decided to leave the relationship was because she found out that her boyfriend was the bottom. Apparently getting ****ed BY the dog is her line, much like wearing animal costumes and making zebra noises is mine.
So it's an hour later and I'm still like this. And I'm ready to go home. She says she's had a good time, would like to see me again, and goes in for the hug. Not wanting to be rude, I hugged her back, and because she was wearing a strapless shirt (not attractive, btw) the insides of my arms touched her bare shoulders. I got home and changed my email address and PoF account, went to bed. The next evening the insides of my arms were RIDDLED with ringworm. Ringworm, by the way, commonly transferred from dogs and cats. Which I now suspect she was ****ing.
?! I'm like fvck this, I'm going to my hotel...cops are like no. I'm like yes. They're like we're arresting you for public intoxication, disturbing the peace, and assault and battery. I'm like no, I'm going to my hotel and start walking away. First cop grabs my arm...I'm already amped up...I punch him in the face. Whoops...now guns are drawn. And look it's Mr Taser! Damn those things hurt. Get taken down town. Find out the guy who swung and fell on his face is the judge's son. GREAT. I get accused of beating his ass. Never touched him. Judge comes down to see his kid. Finds out the cops never read the Miranda Rights...guess who walks away clean after punching a cop? This guy. 
Moral of story...don't go to Brattleboro, VT to hook up with a chick or you'll get tased.
Originally Posted by Sven Sexman
