so, naturally, i need somewhere to vent a little bit. you just happen to be the only place that won't make it back to me through some other outlet, like facebook.
a little background. my family is fairly well off. i wasn't ever given anything without a consequence, but i was also never in a situation where i couldn't get something that i needed. it taught me well on how to use my own money and to function well out in the real world without digging myself into the ground.
my recent wedding was a new chapter to seeing how my parents react to large sums of money. the wife and i saved for over a year, $1000 a month so we could throw a fabulous party for our family, friends, and ourselves. we were given a little help from both sets of our parents (bone to pick #1), but the majority of the money came directly from us and was handled flawlessly. the extra on top from our families was just an added benefit to keep us afloat. (bone to pick #1: my family is well off, the wife's is not. why in the **** did my parents make a big deal about the money they gave us when [unknowingly] the wife's family gave the same amount? get the **** over yourself, you're in an entirely different tax bracket and could have afforded more. you suck.)
after the wedding we had the awesome task of writing out thank you cards. along with doing this we had a list. on this list we wrote out what everyone gave us, including the monetary values for checks/cash. it's fairly common just to weigh out what you're writing as well as recognizing who pushed for you and who did the bare minimum. whatever, i'm over it. i was always under the impression that you should at least pay for your meals, plus a little on top to show your appreciation for being there. however, after we were done with the cards we threw these lists out and forgot about it. it's done, why should i care?
well, my parents seem to care. they wanted to know who gave what so they could weigh their own "counter-payment" for future events that they were invited to. not only do i think this is wrong, but i think this is ****ing rude. everyone should give what they can, not what they're expected to do. life is not about being even with everyone, it's about sharing what you've been able to accomplish (this is bone to pick #2).
i get a call from my father last evening, he had been drinking. he starts spewing his mouth off about wanting the list of what people gave or just the money he gave us for the wedding back so he could hand that out instead. i let him carry on, not saying much. you want to talk big, talk. i'll let you listen, but i already know i'm better than you for not taking things like this in the same light as you. good work, dad. there will be a point at which i will put you in your place and show you what you've become. but because i don't this time around, the wife gets mad at me and let's me know that i'm not a man for standing up for myself and letting him walk all over me. what a dandy end to an evening, no?
my mother shoots us a text in the morning saying sorry for the call and that she'll handle my dad. whatever, you haven't been able to thus far so what're you gonna say now that is going to change his worldly views? probably nothing. my wife proceeds to text her back saying something along the lines that she's glad i have my father in my life as an example of what i should not be. as much as i agree with that, i don't think it's her place to say anything. i do like that she's defending me, but given the opportunity i would never say anything in a negative light to either of her parents. that's just me, though. (picked bone #3)
i took my time and made sure i knew what i was going to text back to her, and i ended up with this: "if it was as easy as paying him off it would have been done a decade ago. money and objects will not be my legacy. i'm sorry that it's yours." her response was "i know it. have a good day." i struck a nerve. now, i didn't mean to point that at her as much as i meant it to be transferred to my father, but it'll happen when she gets home from work and then i'll get to hear about it.
all in all i really do appreciate my family for what they've done and all, but when does money/objects become a side piece to family/friends? up until now, i've yet to see it from my own. i've carved my own path in life. i don't need to have nice things to be happy. what good are all those nice things and your money when you have no one to share it with? no good at all.
/book