I have it for you. Right here.
My new windows for my house were scheduled to be installed, beginning between 8 and 10 a.m. (Mind you, I DJed the night before, meaning I crawled into bed sometime around 3:30 after cashing out and closing up.) So, bright and early, 7:30 rolls in. I get the coffee brewing, my shower had, and all that. I had spent several hours over the course of the few nights before tearing down blinds and moving furniture so the crew could access the windows more easily.
8:30 comes and goes.
9:30 comes and goes.
10:30 comes and goes.
So, I'm thinking, well, maybe I have the wrong day. I've been known to get my days and nights confused. Call the window place. "Your installer is running behind." (Thank you, Mr. Captain *obvious.) "Well, what time should I expect them?" "Around 11:30." "Okay."
11:30 comes and goes.
12:30 comes and goes.
I am hungry, hungry, and hungry. I just realized by that point I was missing at least two meals, so I gobble down some Oh Yeah little snackie snacks.
1:37. Oh, here they are, pulling up.
I help them park (refer to the parking issue thread), nearly in the middle of the street, for my sweet revenge. Now you solely understand why I was anxiously awaiting their arrival.
Fast forward to Sunday night:
Following a girls' night in (and out after gettin' nearly completely obliterated), and of course breakfast (read: 6 drunk women all having dinner, drinking, watching a really dumb movie which I don't care to name here, and then going to a strip club to watch one of them work, and then going to IHOP),I decide at 4 a.m. Monday that it would be a FABULOUS idea in that condition to finish hanging the mini blinds in my office. My desk had not been completely put back together. So, I in my half-drunken stupor decide that it would be an even better idea to do that first so I can stand on the cradenza to reach the second blind.
The cradenza has a piece that attaches to the main part that is held together with ten bolts. I decide to "save weight" (don't ask me why I associated drag racing with putting a cradenza together at that moment) and used only four. Happy that the cradezna and the bridge were all nice and sturdy with just four bolts, I proceeded to hook all the computer crap up, leaving me a nice little place for my feet on the bridge to effectively get me to the second blind.
Now, this is the part where you should not drink any hot or carbonated liquids...
So, I and my happy self, having just celebrated my equipment being fully functional on my newly put together desk with yet another glass of wine, (read: me, myself, and I like De La Soul) proceed with the task of hanging the second blind. I very carefully pull myself up into my strategically placed foot spot, and begin drilling the holes for the first bracket. In they go, so nice and easy. I was happy about that. I reach and grab up the second bracket and screws. I place the drill bit into the drill to make the new holes for the second bracket, and I reach way over my 5"3.75" inch head, that's when I heard it. That creeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeak, as the cradenza, with the full weight of my happy ass and all that computer equipment breaks away from that stupid metal piece holding the bridge to the main piece. The perfect horizontal angle suddenly gives way to a 25 degree one, and everything, including yours truly, slides to the floor.
I remember saying the F word, several times at that point. And then, as I'm laying on the floor looking at the ceiling, I just bust out laughing, at the hilarity of it all.
So, tonight, my friends, I spent part of the evening drilling new holes in this freakin' desk, to fit the freakin' metal piece, that holds the bridge to the cradenza.
And there is your laugh. I shared this story with the daytime bossman judge type person, who asked how I enjoyed my day off for President's Day, so y'all can imagine his amusement.
By the way, I drink merlot. Heavy on the blood red.
~Peace
I knew this was comming
